The Bogus

Pole Dancing Poles

Fri, 19 Nov 2010 03:13:00 -0500

A legal battle is brewing with all sides drawing lines i the sand and daring each other to cross and literally kick sand into each others proverbial faces.

The troop of dancing dancers called the X Pole dancers have been accused of not actually being from Poland at all but from Arundel. The erotic dancers were famed both for being Poles and being pole dancers, this gave them a unique selling point and they had even been tipped as possibly finding themselves on Britain’s got Talent.

A spokesperson for the pole dancing community said “they can dance, they can dance if they want to and if they can’t dance then they’re no friend of mine”.

Other dancers see their false nationality claims as giving them an unfair competitive edge and threatening to take this to court or at the very least challenge them to a dance off.

South Down Cheese Race Tomorrow is the tenth annual cheese...

Sat, 01 May 2010 07:49:00 -0400

South Down Cheese Race

Tomorrow is the tenth annual cheese chase. The rules are simple, a cheese is rolle from Jack and Jill windmills down the hill, the racers charge after it and the person the collect it from the bottom gets free cheese for life.

I spoke to the guardians of the Jack and Jill windmills - owned by the national trust but managed by volunteers - they told The Bogus that it was the highlight of their year. “There is a proud tradition of milling the cheeses on the south downs and this reminds people why the windmills are here” he said, “and in these credit crunch times then I expect the races to be even more competitive than usual.”

Nobody is sure why the race started but one theory is that it is a re-enactment of an incident in 1887 when a cheese thief tried to make off with a round and was caught. His punishment was to be trussed into a circle and pushed to the bottom of the hill. He died.

Be at the windmills at midday for a prompt “cheese off”

JELLY PIER

Sat, 10 Apr 2010 09:18:29 -0400

Plans to reconstruct the West Pier using raspberry jelly have been discussed by Brighton and Hove council. A council spokesperson was quoted as saying

“Just fuck off and leave me alone.”

Engineers have told the bogus that it could be feasible but it depends on various things.

"MAN CHOKES TO DEATH ON SAUSAGE"

Sat, 10 Apr 2010 09:07:00 -0400

““MAN CHOKES TO DEATH ON SAUSAGE””

- Police were called to attend to a corpse in Kemptown. The cause of death was found to be a jumbo savaloy lodged in the windpipe. Health and safety officers have advised to use lubricating gravy before inserting a sausage into any orifice.