Pole Dancing Poles

A legal battle is brewing with all sides drawing lines i the sand and daring each other to cross and literally kick sand into each others proverbial faces.

The troop of dancing dancers called the X Pole dancers have been accused of not actually being from Poland at all but from Arundel. The erotic dancers were famed both for being Poles and being pole dancers, this gave them a unique selling point and they had even been tipped as possibly finding themselves on Britain’s got Talent.

A spokesperson for the pole dancing community said “they can dance, they can dance if they want to  and if they can’t dance then they’re no friend of mine”.

Other dancers see their false nationality claims as giving them an unfair competitive edge and threatening to take this to court or at the very least challenge them to a dance off.

1 year ago
South Down Cheese Race Tomorrow is the tenth annual cheese chase. The rules are simple, a cheese is rolle from Jack and Jill windmills down the hill, the racers charge after it and the person the collect it from the bottom gets free cheese for life. I spoke to the guardians of the Jack and Jill windmills - owned by the national trust but managed by volunteers - they told The Bogus that it was the highlight of their year. “There is a proud tradition of milling the cheeses on the south downs and this reminds people why the windmills are here” he said, “and in these credit crunch times then I expect the races to be even more competitive than usual.” Nobody is sure why the race started but one theory is that it is a re-enactment of an incident in 1887 when a cheese thief tried to make off with a round and was caught. His punishment was to be trussed into a circle and pushed to the bottom of the hill. He died. Be at the windmills at midday for a prompt “cheese off”

South Down Cheese Race

Tomorrow is the tenth annual cheese chase. The rules are simple, a cheese is rolle from Jack and Jill windmills down the hill, the racers charge after it and the person the collect it from the bottom gets free cheese for life.

I spoke to the guardians of the Jack and Jill windmills - owned by the national trust but managed by volunteers - they told The Bogus that it was the highlight of their year. “There is a proud tradition of milling the cheeses on the south downs and this reminds people why the windmills are here” he said, “and in these credit crunch times then I expect the races to be even more competitive than usual.”

Nobody is sure why the race started but one theory is that it is a re-enactment of an incident in 1887 when a cheese thief tried to make off with a round and was caught. His punishment was to be trussed into a circle and pushed to the bottom of the hill. He died.

Be at the windmills at midday for a prompt “cheese off”

1 year ago
Brighton Celeb in “Sex Attack” Police are investigating what has been described as a dick-thwack-attack. The incident occurred after a private party at the home of a well known celebrity. The popstar who is yet to be officially named was filmed by one of his celeb chums. It is not known who the blond lady is but it was suggested that she was a backpacker invited for the evening fun. The Bogus’ source - who was an eye witness to the attack - has told us it is the most violent use of a stiff cock that they have ever witnessed, “The dick-thwack recipient left the party with a thick lip and bruised ego” he told us and then went on to say “it all started out as harmless fun, A and B list celebrities took off their clothes and the C and D list people fluffed them to turgidity in preparation for the games.” All harmless fun so far, but things started to turn nasty as the backpacker insisted on taking her clothes off too. This was seen as overstepping the mark and an attempt by a civilian to climb above their place in the social strata. “The single blow to her face was intended to knock her down a peg or two” another source said “there is nothing unusual about celebrities slapping their genitals into the face of their fans, that’s just the way of the world”

Brighton Celeb in “Sex Attack”

Police are investigating what has been described as a dick-thwack-attack. The incident occurred after a private party at the home of a well known celebrity. The popstar who is yet to be officially named was filmed by one of his celeb chums. It is not known who the blond lady is but it was suggested that she was a backpacker invited for the evening fun.

The Bogus’ source - who was an eye witness to the attack - has told us it is the most violent use of a stiff cock that they have ever witnessed, “The dick-thwack recipient left the party with a thick lip and bruised ego” he told us and then went on to say “it all started out as harmless fun, A and B list celebrities took off their clothes and the C and D list people fluffed them to turgidity in preparation for the games.” All harmless fun so far, but things started to turn nasty as the backpacker insisted on taking her clothes off too. This was seen as overstepping the mark and an attempt by a civilian to climb above their place in the social strata.

“The single blow to her face was intended to knock her down a peg or two” another source said “there is nothing unusual about celebrities slapping their genitals into the face of their fans, that’s just the way of the world”

1 year ago

JELLY PIER

Plans to reconstruct the West Pier using raspberry jelly have been discussed by Brighton and Hove council. A council spokesperson was quoted as saying

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1 year ago
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MAN CHOKES TO DEATH ON SAUSAGE

Police were called to attend to a corpse in Kemptown. The cause of death was found to be a jumbo savaloy lodged in the windpipe. Health and safety officers have advised to use lubricating gravy before inserting a sausage into any orifice.
1 year ago